A Lesson in Gratitude

By now, I think you are well aware that we had a pretty fantabulous Canada Day here at Shenanigans Inc.  It was a shenanigan-filled day with lots of laughter and plenty of smiles.  But what you may not be aware of is how I woke up that morning in one terribly awful, foul mood.  I woke up that morning unable to greet the day with my usual sun-shiny disposition and wanting nothing more than to bury my head under the blankets and lie there waiting for the day to pass. I just didn't think I could get up and take care of my family with so much grief bearing down on my heart.

You see, for two years now my sweetheart and I have been trying to have another baby.  We spent the first year in countless doctors appointments enduring a number of invasive tests and, ultimately, wrapped it up with one final surgery that was going to end my infertility once and for all.  We were elated!  A baby by summer was all we could think of, and it consumed me.  Every night I would get on my knees and plead with my Heavenly Father for this miracle to happen.  Every night I would drift off to sleep with visions of kissing chubby baby cheeks and holding a warm little body in my arms once again.

But it hasn't happened.

And month after month I discover that I am not pregnant.

Some months, I can shrug it off and say "Oh well, perhaps next month".

But other months, I can not bear the disappointment and my friends fear, despair and doubt show up to help me kick off the pity party.

This is how I woke up on Canada Day.

I wanted to roll over and let each of them take a kick at me.  The pain was better than the subsequent emptiness that inevitably follows one of these parties.

But, I didn't.  I dragged my butt out of bed and resolved that this would not break me.

I can do hard things!

I jumped in the shower and allowed my tears to be washed away by the hot water.

With fear, despair and doubt now neatly tucked away, I walked out into my kitchen determined to make the best of a difficult day.

Unfortunately, even though I had bid farewell to my three unwanted guests, their absence left me irritable, and when mama is cranky no one is happy.  I felt terrible.  I could see how my foul mood was affecting everyone around me, but I didn't know how to turn it around.  I guess in my prayers that morning I forgot to ask Heavenly Father to not only help me endure the day but to do so joyfully . . . oops! So, I left my family to discuss our plans for the day and I gave myself a time-out on the deck with my Iphone.  Ahhh . . .  the sweet distraction of technology.  As I was scrolling through my Twitter updates, a blog caught my eye and so I creeped.  The blog was written by a woman who had not one but two severely disabled sons, one of whom had passed away three years ago.  As I scrolled through the pictures of her sharing her day with her son who is unable to speak or walk, I was truly humbled.  Here was a woman with an actual burden to bear and she was carrying it with joy.  I was so ashamed.  How I could be so ungrateful?  Why do I feel entitled to get everything I want when I have already been given so much?  So for the second time that day, I walked back into my kitchen, but this time simply enduring the day was no longer my objective, I was determined to enjoy it . . . and I did just that!

 I may not have the number of children I want, but I have children.  I have healthy children, and I am going to enjoy every minute I have with them.

If you, too, need a lesson in gratitude, read her blog.  You just may never complain again.