One of my greatest fears in life was that one of my babies would be sick. I am not talking flus, or colds or ear infections; I am talking about sick, real sick. I would hear about families and parents raising sick children and think:
How do they do it? Where do they get the strength . . . the courage?
Now, I know. It is a choice you make. You choose to be strong in spite of how much you want to break down and cry. You choose to be courageous in spite of all the uncertainty before you. You choose to never, ever give up hope in spite of all the disappointments that litter your path, and you do this for your kids. You make these choices because this is how your sick kid faces each and every day. In your heart, you know that they are the ones who are truly suffering, and if they can make the most of a rotten situation then you can to. You owe it to them.
Yesterday, I dropped by Baby Girl's high school to pick up her homework. I was frustrated to see that only two teachers had arranged packets for her. I understand that the teachers do not want to burden her with school work while she is dealing with this flare-up, but she has to go back at some point. The real world does not just disappear when you are sick. It keeps going, and with each passing day, she is falling further and further behind. As much as I wanted to throw a tantrum right there in the office, I kept my cool. I thanked the secretary and walked out.
As I walked out of the office, I found myself in a sea of young girls, all dressed up, who judging from the amount of hand flapping, giggles, and squeals, were very excited to be together. As I scanned their faces, I realised that many of these girls were Zoe's friends. In fact, they were her soccer teammates, and after speaking with a few of them, I learned that they were leaving school early to attend a game at Fundy High School. I wished them luck, and as I stood outside the school's entry way watching all of them climb into the bus, a wave of anger flooded my body, but this only lasted for a second because quickly following behind it was a wave of despair, which washed away any strength I had remaining and left me crying on the stairs of the high school.
She should be with them.
WHY does she have to endure this?
WHY?
Luckily, I had my sunglasses on and I quickly pulled myself together.
Girl, you can't fall apart now.
With tears streaming down my face, I walked over to my car, where both Avery and Elliot were waiting for me to drive them to Sussex for Elliot's school soccer game. As I was about to open my car door, I realized I had a choice to make. I could either allow my frustration and my pain to take over and debilitate me, or I could continue to enjoy this beautiful afternoon with my boys. And it had been a beautiful afternoon. We had gone apple picking, the weather had been and was still absolutely perfect, and now we were going to spend the remainder of the afternoon with friends cheering Elliot and the MCS soccer team on. Really, it had been a wonderful day; therefore, I pushed aside the should's, the what if's, and the this-is-not-fair's, and I embraced what was in front of me - a beautiful, but imperfect life.
Life is filled with disappointment. It is filled with injustice, pain and heartache, and the way I see it is we each have a choice to make. We can either choose to allow these things to overcome us and to stifle our spirits, or we can choose to look past them and see what else life has to offer because life is also filled with beauty, with peace, with love, with laughter, with hope, and with tremendous examples of strength and courage:
With her in my life, it is an easy choice to make.
And my other monkeys help too . . .
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| Thing 4 collected some apples too. |
It truly is a beautiful life!
