a whole lot of and's, what's, ugh's and anyhoos

you are going to have to forgive me for my lack of capital letters in this post, and quite possibly all posts from here on out, because leif, my adorable, cuddly, little monster, pitched a fit and picked off all the keys on my laptop and, although i was able to put all but two back on, my shift key is acting finicky. seriously. oh. my. land. what am i going to do with that kid?

anyhoo . . .

in spite of the toddler, today was a great day. i knew it was going to be a great day when i woke up, stepped on the floor grate and felt warm air blowing through it. i don't know why having our heat kick on for the first time since we moved in excited me, but it did. i think it helped me to feel like fall had finally arrived, and i love fall, even though this fall is completely different from any other fall i have experienced. first off, there are no apple orchards in winnipeg or the surrounding area . . . what? secondly, this weekend is thanksgiving and baby girl is not going to be home AND (thank you cap lock . . . tee hee!) we will not be celebrating the holiday with our families . . . boo!  it is going to feel so weird, but i am sure we will enjoy ourselves and hopefully, HOPEFULLY, i can make a good gravy. making gravy actually causes anxiety for me. seriously. my mom makes the best gravy, but in spite of the countless times she has tried to show me how to do it, i can only nail it about ten percent of the time. TEN PERCENT! those are not good odds. please, for the sake of my family, pray for me and my gravy-making ability this weekend. pretty please.

anyhoo . . .

i am going to apologize right now for this ridiculous post about everything. i honestly have a purpose, but i seem to have forgot it at the moment . . . oh, right . . . it was a good day. so, this morning, i actually woke up well-rested and then i stepped on the warm grate . . . yada yada yada .  . . right, now i remember where i was going with this post: leif has been obsessed with halloween lately, and he has been begging to buy a costume and decorate the house. i bought the babies their costumes earlier in the week - it was a struggle. i found four different costumes for leif, but he was not really into it because he was currently fixated on all the toys that were also in the vicinity.

what about this hamburger costume?

it has a crab in it.

what?

what about this robot costume?

nope. it's too scary.

what about this blue, fuzzy monster costume.

way too scary.

seriously?

i want to be a firefighter!

okay.

of course, the only firefighter costume i could find was way too big for him, but i figured i could roll up the sleeves, forget the pants and go with it. he was happy. that's all that mattered.

then, when we arrived home, i told elliot to ask leif what he was going to be for halloween.

what are you going to be for halloween, leif?

a ghost pirate.

WHAT?!

insert eye roll here . . . toddlers . . . ugh!

BUT, that was the other day, and not today . . . tee hee . . . i really am all over the place tonight. back to today: with halloween on the brain, and warm air blowing through my house, i decided to unpack the halloween decorations and deck these halls . . . wrong holiday, but you know what i mean. leif was in heaven! we found old costumes that my sister and i had worn when we were little, costumes and decorations from when the big three were little, and all of our halloween books. sometimes i shake my head and wonder whatever possessed me to think that "starting over again" was such a great idea, especially when this forty-year old body of mine is nursing a baby numerous times throughout the night, but then there are these moments, like today, when i think that experiencing all of this again is the greatest blessing i have ever been given. seriously. raising littles is ridiculously difficult but it is also magical.

after the decorations were up, i was feeling all warm and fuzzy (it was probably the heat coming through the vents), and didn't want to end the good thing we had going, so i asked the babies if they wanted to make muffins.

i love making muffins, mommy.

i know, leif.

i have had this box of strawberries in my fridge for the past week and each day they were becoming more gooey and less appealing to the wee websters. i did not want to throw them out, and so making muffins seemed to be the perfect idea. i googled a recipe and found one called Smashed Berry Muffins. i have an aversion to baked fruit. i am weird, i know. i also hate all things pumpkin . .  even weirder, right? anyhoo . . . the idea that the strawberries would be mashed up instead of baked in chunks intrigued me, and since i had all the ingredients, we gave it a go.

leif and harriet got into position, and we started baking. i followed a few of the suggested adaptations to the recipes and added a few of my own. i mashed a banana along with the strawberries, replaced the oil with applesauce, used a whole-wheat/white flour mix, reduced the sugar by 1/3 and added a tablespoon of flax seed. we popped our pink muffins in the oven, and waited anxiously for them to be done.

are they done, mom?

no.

are they done, mom?

no.

are they done, mom?

no.

and so on and so one for the longest twenty minutes of my life . . . toddlers . . . insert eye roll here . . . ugh! 

they were worth the wait, though, and here is another reason why today was so great: when elliot came home for lunch (have i mentioned this before? both my boys come home for lunch and often bring a friend or two with them . . . it is awesome! i no longer have to make lunches in the morning)  

ooops! off topic again . . . when elliot came home for lunch, he reluctantly tried a bite of one of the muffins.

this is weird.

and i immediately, thought;

yep, he does not like it.

but wait, he took another bite;

mom, i really like this.

WHAT?!

here's the thing: elliot does not like most baked goods, especially not ones with baked fruit in them, which have been "healthified". this was definitely a happy day.

then, after elliot returned to school and leif massacred my laptop . . . ugh! . . . i decided we needed to get out of the house, but here's the thing: my heat turned on today because dang it! it was cold out there. we are talking -1' kind of cold . . . eeeek! seeing as on monday we were playing in 27' weather, our bodies are not acclimatized for this temperature just yet, so i decided to check and see if IKEA finally had the chairs i have been drooling over for the past two months but are never in stock, and guess what. you got it! the website said they were restocked.

woohoo!

this was my day.

and i don't think i have to go into any further detail because an afternoon at IKEA, followed up with their hotdogs and ice cream is the greatest afternoon of all time!

then,when i came home, there was postcard from avery's french teacher in the mail, extolling all of his virtues and exclaiming how much she loved having him in her class.

seriously? 
not that i don't think avery is a great kid, but what middle school teacher does this . . . awesome!

and THEN elliot's pre-calculus teacher called because he was worried that elliot is struggling and wanted to set up two afternoons a week for extra-help.

WHAT?!

 i kid you not. he is lucky he called and did not tell me face-to-face because i seriously wanted to kiss that man. no, it is not happy news that elliot is having a rough go in that class, but it is awesome that he has a teacher who cares and is not going to give up on him.

and as i sit here in my new kitchen chair, eyeballing the postcard on my fridge, feeling the warm air blow through the floor vent onto my tootsies, and watching elliot finish up his pre-calc homework all on his own, i have to say it has been a pretty good day, even if i am struggling with a few finicky keys and they are calling for flurries tonight . . .

WHAT?!

and now for the photos:

harriet gets just as excited as i do about an IKEA visit . . . tee hee! she may look like her daddy, but she is crazy like her mama.

because everyone needs a halloween, pimp hat. when leif put this on, he exclaimed;

this hat is awesome, mom. take my picture . . .

his enthusiasm for all things ridiculous makes up for this:

le sigh.

and this. how precious is she? here is harriet wearing the cat costume that my mom made for me and my sister, hilary. we both wore it, and i think even zoe wore it once.

and the muffins . . . which are almost gone. if you want the recipe, you can find it here.

and with that i will say . . . good night.

Sunday Naps

Trials.

We all have them. We all hate them, 

And I get that they are good for us; trials make us stronger, they make us better, kinder people, but sometimes it would be nice to have a break from them. Am I right?

By the end of last week, I was done with my trials. I was tired of being their punching bag and I was exhausted from having to pick myself back up time and time again. I was so done with them that on Friday when the babes and I were doing our Costco run, I almost cried right there in the middle of the store when Harriet was fussing in her sling and Leif decided to break an egg all over our cart full of groceries. Yep, I was two seconds away from being that woman. I only stopped myself when I looked up from the slimy mess that was now covering everything to see Leif clapping his hands. 

No baby, this is not a yay! moment. It's a mess.

 I am sure Leif, who loves to cook with me, was just excited to finally be the one to crack the eggs. He had no idea how I was feeling inside. He had no idea that we did not need a cracked egg for grocery shopping. He had no idea this was not cool. Looking into his smiley face, I reminded myself that spilled eggs . . . or is that milk?  . . . either way, neither are to be cried over, and so I pushed myself through the remainder of the day.

By Sunday afternoon, I was spent. I was done putting on a happy face. I was done taking care of everyone, and most of all I was done dealing with my challenges. So, after church, I handed the two-under-two crew to Mr. Level-Headed and the kids and went for a nap. Thankfully, there was a cool breeze blowing through my bedroom window because I was able to bury myself beneath the weight of my duvet and quickly drift off to sleep.

Is there anything better than a Sunday nap? I can't think of anything. Sunday naps are a gift from God; they nourish the soul and strengthen your body. When I woke up, I was not only feeling rested, but I was feeling rejuvenated and feisty once again.

Okay, Week, I am ready for you. BRING IT ON!

It also helped waking up to this round, squishy parcel of adorableness.

Oh, and my trials are not any of my babes, nor are they Mr. Level-Headed, and for that I am grateful.

Baby Rambings

You are in for a treat! I have no idea what I should write today, and therefore I have decided to go on one gigantic baby ramble. Yippee! If you think you can stomach it, read on. If not, I will see you tomorrow . . . tee hee!

So, Thing 4 is getting quite the reputation in the medical world, and it is not a good one. On Tuesday, I went to visit doctor #3 (we AMA's are so lucky!). You see I have my family doctor who has done most of my monthly check-ups, my OB-GYN, who will perform my C-section (more on that in  a minute), and my AMA specialist. Okay, so he is not really an AMA specialist, but that is what I like to call him. I saw my OB on Tuesday, and before she came in, her nurse took my blood pressure and pulled out her Doppler to check on Thing 4's heart rate. As I laid on the examining table, pulling up my shirt to expose what I think is a ginormous bump but no one else seems to agree with me (sheesh!), I bragged that I have been getting lots of movement. I say bragged and really I mean it. I know this baby is a superstar when it comes to first nudgings and I couldn't be more thrilled about it. The nurse covered my belly in warm goo and then proceeded to push the Doppler around my belly trying to locate a heartbeat. Nothing. She moved it some more. Nothing. She went all around my belly and still nothing. She was starting to get frustrated. I assured her that at that very moment I could feel Thing 4 nudging, and she look relieved. She tried again. Nothing. After ten minutes, the nurse asked if she could go prep someone else and then come back in and try again. I told her that was fine. Two minutes after she left my room, I could hear the sound of a strong fetal heart beating in the room next to me, and so I had a stern talking-to with Thing 4. 

Thing 4, the other baby is cooperating and you need to too. Listen to me. It is time to settle down and behave. Yes, mama may think that your Speedy Gonzales-like antics are cute, but this poor nurse is not enjoying them. Settle down and let her take your heart rate. Now.

When the nurse came back, I was confident she would be able to find the heart rate, but . . .  nope, and I really don't know why I was shocked because none of my other little critters ever listen to me either. The poor nurse had to try for another ten whole minutes and then finally, as if he/she had been there the whole entire time, the nurse found a good steady heart beat in the upper left hand corner of my uterus.

THING 4!

 After the nurse left the room, my doctor entered and guess what she said about Thing 4. You guessed it: 

So, I hear you have quite the uncooperative and busy baby on your hands.

I couldn't help but laugh and tell her that both of my other doctors have used those exact words when describing Thing 4. I think I am in for quite the time with this little monkey.

Oh, and so if you are wondering about the heart rate, it was in the 150 range, which according to my mama means girl, BUT . . . since Thing 4 likes to keep us on our toes, when I returned home that afternoon and went to log in my appointment info in my pregnancy book, I noticed that Mr. Man, yes none other than my Elliot, at 19 weeks played hide and seek with the doctor as well for a whomping twenty minutes. Oh, and guess what his heart rate was? You guessed it: 150's . . . tee hee! I guess we really are not going to know who Thing 4 is until he/she is born.

Which brings us very nicely around to the topic of my C-section. So, yes, I already know that Thing 4 will be delivered by a C-section, which means I can confidently say that I only have 22 more weeks to go . . . eeeek! For both Zoe and Elliot, I needed to have an emergency C-section because they got stuck in the exact same spot as they were about to emerge, and after those ordeals, the doctors recommend that I do not even try that route again. So, Avery was a scheduled C-section and Thing 4 will be as well. Now, for some people, C-sections are the way to go. No labour pain and you get to know exactly when your baby is coming. Sounds like a dream, right? More like a nightmare for me! I get really freaked out by the idea of going in, sans pain, and bending over to allow them to put that ginormous epidural needle into my spine. Call me a wimp, but the thoughts of it send it me into a panic. In fact, the other night as Mr. Level-Headed was telling the boys all about my last C-section and how the doctor allowed him to take a peak and he saw all of my organs laying right out there in the open (that man has seen far too much of me for my liking), I did, in fact, have a mild panic attack. No kidding! My legs became weak and my head became fuzzy. I felt like my heart was about to leap right out of my chest and so I had to sit down with my head between my legs taking deep breaths. This lasted for a good five minutes, and thankfully, Mr. Level-Headed realised that maybe he should stop talking about it . . . tee hee!

This is so not going to be good. On Tuesday, when I went to see my OB, I confided in her about this very real fear of mine, and instead of reassuring me that I have nothing to fear or offering me some anxiety medication just prior to my surgery (which is what I am really hoping will happen and which is so not like me since I don't even like to take a Tylenol), she told me I should be afraid.

WHAT?!?!

Oh yeah! According to her, a healthy fear of surgery is a good thing because . . . and here is where she went on to list all the things that could go wrong. I kid you not! Then, just as she is about to leave the room, she places her hand on my knee and says:

But, you'll be fine.

WHAT?!?!

Oh, my land. What am I supposed to do with that?

In all honesty, though. She did make me feel better. It's crazy, but I think her level-headed approach was comforting to me. I don't know why that would be . . . tee hee!

Anyhoo . . .

Well, now you are all caught up on my baby ramblings, and other than lots of anxiety over the fact that I may have forgotten how to nurse, or that my AMA boobies may not be up for the job, or that my AMA body may never survive the sleepless nights that are in store for me, or that I don't know what I am going to do if Thing 4 is colicky like Elliot or anything like Elliot for that matter (tee hee!), or that . . . .

As you can see, I am starting to get a little freaked out. I think I should end this post and go put my head between my legs for about five minutes.

Have a great day!

Oh, and thank heavens this finally came in. This is the book we used to help us raise our other three littles, and since they have all turned out spectacularly,  I felt it was a must-have this time around too.

We refer to it as the Baby Bible. I wonder if it has a section on neurotic mothers . . . hmmmm?

WFMAD and New Paths

Bribe (or positive reinforcement, whatever you like to call it):  If you can get through this post, there are some very funny pics of what dinner time here at Shenanigans Inc. quickly devolves into, especially, when we have dinner guests over.  So, please stick around until the end . . . please.

Sorry for going MIA on everyone this summer, but I needed a break from the blog to think about where I am going with this writing thing (oh, and to revel in the glory and splendour of summer vacation!).  Unfortunately, two months and a writer's workshop in YA fiction later, I still don't know.  UGH!  But, I feel strongly that I just need to take that leap of faith; begin writing and see where it takes me.  This past year on my blog has reminded me that I do have a writer's soul.  She is immature and unpractised, but she exists, and she wants to grow.  Sharing the antics of my family and my personal struggles with everything from homeschooling to infertility to miscarriages (yes, it is plural, but we are not going into that right now) to Elliot's diagnosis with NLD and so on and so forth, has shown me I can do this.  I can write, I can touch people's lives with my writing, and I want to continue to do so.  I just don't know in what manner.  Do I continue to blog about life here, a ferry crossing away, do I attempt to write my novel, or do I do both?  These are the questions that have been plaguing my mind all summer, and I am tired of thinking about them.  It is time to act, which brings me to WFMAD (Writing for Fifteen Minutes a Day).  I found this writing challenge today on Laurie Halse Anderson's blog, where you write for fifteen minutes a day, using her prompts or your own and using your voice or the voice of your character, and I thought this is exactly what I need to get going; therefore, I decided to take the plunge.

Ready 

Set

GO!

Today's Prompt:  What things do you allow to get in the way of your writing?

Where do I start?  How about the laundry, the housecleaning, the sewing, the gardening, the book reading, the groceries, the meal planning, the meal preparing, the meal clean up, the soccer practises, the soccer games, the teaching, the driving, the even more driving, the KIDS, the homeschool planning, and so on and so on.  Just writing this list makes me wonder how on earth I am ever going to squeeze in fifteen minutes of writing a day! But putting all of my mom duties aside, what really gets in my way is me.  Me and all my fears.  Me and all my doubts.  Me and all of life's distractions (twitter, facebook and instagram to name just a few . . . tee hee!).  I don't fear failure or rejection because they are inevitable with a writing career, but I fear being pulled in yet another direction.  I fear that I will have even less time to devote to simply enjoying life's moments with my husband, my kids, my friends and family.  In all honesty, too many days already slip through my fingers with barely a moment's recognition or a pause to reflect on the beauty and blessings each day brings.  Can I truly afford to add one more thing to the list?

Yes!

In fact, I honestly believe I can not afford not to!  Each of us needs to live the life we are intended to live.  A phrase that keeps coming to mind is: fulfil the measure of your creation!  This is what brings us happiness; living a life that we create using the gifts and talents we have been blessed with.  If you have read my blog before, you know that this year has been ridiculously difficult for me.  Every turn I take seems to be fraught with disappointment and challenges, but in spite of these trials, I am really happy.  Crazy, but true.  I came to this realisation after my second miscarriage.  Instead of lying in bed overcome with despair, I was almost giddy with gratitude for what I do have.  I have a loving and caring husband and three beautiful and healthy children, who keep my life very interesting and laughter-filled.  I am homeschooling, something I dreamt about doing when Zoe was a baby, but felt too inadequate to do properly. I have two degrees and plenty of teaching experience, which has given me the confidence I needed to homeschool and to start my own writing school for kids, which has been thoroughly rewarding and I am currently thinking about ways to expand it.  I have faith.  I have family. I have friends.  And I have talents.  Some of my talents, like mothering and teaching are currently being used to full capacity, which is why I find life so satisfying at the moment, but I think it is time to explore some others.  I was fearful when I first became a mother and I was terrified on the first day of teaching my very own class, but look where they have lead me!  Look at the paths they have lead me down and look at the joy they have brought me.  Now I want to try another path.  I want to become a writer.  Yes, I am scared.  Actually, petrified is a more accurate description, but I am also very excited to see how this new path merges with my current path and where it will eventually take me.  I love new beginnings!!

What are your unexplored talents?

What things do you allow to get in the way of exploring them?

Let me know.

And what you have all been waiting for: 

drum roll please

Elliot and Avery exploring their talent of arm-pit farting!

See what I mean . . . they keep my life, and those I share it with, laughter-filled! 

tee hee!