The In Utero New - Issue 3

Thing 4 at 34 weeks!

Thing 4 here. Yesterday, mom and I went to another doctor's appointment, and it was a really good one. Not only did we learn that we do indeed only have five weeks until we get to see one another, but we also learned that we gained four pounds. This made my mama very happy because she is all concerned that something is wrong since she is not as big with this pregnancy as she was with the other three wee Websters. Both the doctor and I, through all my ridiculous acrobatics, assure her that everything is great and that I just may be a smaller (but much more mightier) baby than the others. Nonetheless, she was thrilled when she saw the scale's numbers make a four pound leap and immediately texted dad to share the good news. Dad, who is always so sensitive to mom's  neurosis, replied exactly as he should have and made mom's morning even better:

Ha, ha! From what I understand, husbands should never tell their wives they are getting big, but I guess this case is what you would call an exception and it scored big points for my dad. If I am a guy, I plan on paying close attention to how my dad treats my mom. He seems to know exactly what he is doing.

After our weigh-in, mom was called into an examining room where the nurse asked her to lie down so she could listen to my heart beat . . . Ugh! This is my least favourite part of the entire visit because the nurse pushes down on my tender, little body with a big, metal knob. In the past I have tried to push it away, but that never seems to stop her; so yesterday, I devised a new plan to get back at her. As she was quietly taking notes of how quickly my heart was pumping, I whispered to myself:

1 . . . 2 . . . 3 . . . 

And then I did one of my Olympic rolls to the other side of mom's uterus. I scared the life out of the nurse and she screamed:

Oh my!  You really do have an active one there . . .

To which mom laughed and rolled her eyes . . .

Yes, and a show off too.

According to the nurse, baby's my age (34 weeks) tend to slow down, but that is craziness. Who can slow down when they know that in just five short weeks they will be joining the biggest party on earth - Shenanigans Inc! Come on, seriously?

Okay, so perhaps scaring the nurse was not very nice, but man it was funny, and in all honesty, it is far less cruel than what my siblings have in store for me. Oh yeah! They are definitely not the nicest or the brightest! Yesterday, they revealed to mom all of their nasty plans, and they were so proud of themselves. Little do they know, though, that I heard every word they said and I have five entire weeks with very little to do but to plot my revenge . . . muhahahaha!

It all began Monday evening when dad came home with a very large box. It turns out my dear Nanny Webster bought a car seat for me to ride in. How sweet is that! Mom had picked it out a couple of weeks ago and nanny ordered it. Well, when it came into the house, everyone got excited, particularly Zoe. She unpacked that seat, read the instructions, and had it fully figured out in no time. She and mom then took one of mom's old baby dolls, wrapped her up in my new blanket and placed her in the car seat . . . awwww!  Then, yesterday morning, Zoe installed it in the car, and mom drove around all day with it . . . ha, ha! These girls make me laugh. 

Anyhoo . . .

So what were the boys up to while mom and Zoe were busy getting my car seat ready? Well, they were playing with the box:

And during his time in the Box of Shame, Avery came up with the great idea that they should keep the Box of Shame for when they are babysitting me, and then they can use it to put ME, adorable, innocent, little me, in the box. They laughed so hard when one of those fools suggested they even turn the window away from the television to prevent me from seeing what is going on. How cruel is that? Then, like all great ideas, this one quickly snowballed until, finally, the Box of Shame evolved into a trap. Yes, that is correct, my adoring siblings devised a trap for me when I begin to crawl, and the bait was a cat food bowl filled with a drinking box, a granola bar and mom's keys. According to them, these items are all very enticing to babies, and as soon as I crawl over to the dish, one of them, who will be holding the string attached to the light saber, will pull the string and the box will close on me. They even tried the trap out on each other and it worked. Oh, and in case you doubt how maniacal all of their little minds work, I have proof. Check it out!

They think they are pretty funny, but I vow to have the last laugh. Oh yes, they are all getting pooped on; I just have to figure out which one gets it first. Hmmmmmm . . . . .

Have a great day!