Wednesday, 7 August 2013

My Apologies, Thing 4

Dear Thing 4,

As of yesterday, we only have approximately fourteen weeks until we finally meet one another face to face. In spite of how excited I am to have you join our family and how much I am dying to kiss every inch of your tiny, wrinkled body, I would be lying if I did not mention that I am also becoming progressively more scared.

The past two weeks have been crazy busy, but a whole lot of fun, because your daddy's sister, Christina came home for a visit from Salt Lake City, Utah with her husband and three daughters. Every day has been jam packed with adventure, which has left your very pregnant mama tired and CRANKY. In truth, you have not helped out much either with your nightly acrobatic routines, which make it very difficult for me to get some much needed sleep. So, due to a hectic two weeks and a severe lack of a good night's sleep, your mama is done, and when I become done, I become anxious, and when I become anxious, I begin to fret, and when I begin to fret, I get to work, and when I get to work, I get even more tired, and when I get even more tired, I blow my top, which brings me nicely to why I am writing you this letter. Thing 4, your mama is very sorry for losing patience with you and your siblings yesterday. I am sorry that your newly formed ears had to hear me yell and shout at your brothers and sister. I am also truly sorry that when you got up from one of your very brief naps yesterday and began to roll and kick, that I uttered in sheer exasperation:

Stop . . . Just stop . . . please!

I was not mad at you, and yes, I love every movement you make because it assures me that you are continuing to grow strong and healthy, but your mama was done yesterday. I needed a moment's peace, and lately they seem to be growing few and far between. So, for the first time in your short life, and definitely not the last, your mama needs to apologise. I am sorry, baby. 

I also figure that while I have you here, I could apologise for a whole slew of things. Some of them in my control, and some of them entirely out of my control. Either way, these are things you are just going to have to deal with if you are going to become a member of Shenanigans Inc.

I am sorry for the steady stream of caffeinated, carbonated beverages that you have been fed lately. Like I said, it has been a hectic few weeks and they got me through it all. I promise to stop. 

I should also go ahead and apologise right now for all the poutine I have been eating lately. It is probably not the best food for a growing fetus, but gosh darn it, it sure tastes good when you are the one growing that fetus. 

I am sorry for your siblings. Yes, like you, I love them dearly, but in all honesty, they can be a handful at times and they will more than likely torment the life out of you. Avery is loud, rambunctious, and occasionally aggressive. Yes, he likes to pretend to punch you in my belly, but he swears he is not going to hurt you. He is just trying to toughen you up and begin your training to become a deadly warrior like him and Elliot.

Elliot loves to talk and will always be in your face. Oh, and perhaps I should apologise for the constant play-by-play narratives he is providing you with each day. It sure drives Zoe crazy when he puts his head next to my belly and introduces you to all the sights and sounds around us, and so if it is bothering you, I am sorry, but that's your big brother. You are just going to have to get used to him. 

Zoe, unfortunately, is a princess and she demands to be treated like one. She will tell you what to wear, what to watch, who to like and how to behave. She figures it is her duty as the oldest to dictate how her younger siblings turn out. Sorry. Oh, and don't let the princess routine fool you. She is tough, maniacal and quick to put her siblings in their rightful place.

I have already acknowledged that I have a short temper, but you may not know that I also come up with crazy ideas, love to act upon them and then get my minions to carry them out. And yes, you will become one of my little minions. My latest crazy idea was to turn our living room into a drive-in movie theatre when it was too rainy out to do anything fun with your cousins. Oh, and I will apologise now for the oodles of pictures I will take of you carrying out my grand ideas.

Your cousin Alyssa, whom I love because she was always eager to participate in my shenanigans.

Your cousin Emma, who is very, very cute.

As your cousins quickly figured out, we live in a very wet area of the world, and what we lack in amusement parks and thrill rides, we make up for in rocks, ocean and mud. Also, since we don't have much else to amuse us, we tend to play with slimy, grimy sea creatures. Sorry, but like your cousins, you will get used to it.

I should also apologise for your extended family. Not only is your immediate family crazy, but all of your aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents are equally crazy. On my side of the family, they are a bunch of motorcycle riding, poet writing, philosophers who like to talk about anything and everything from existentialism to animal bums. We also have about a million inside jokes like base camp twelve, which you will, unfortunately, become privy to and quite possibly the source of very quickly. Oh, and in order to become a member of this elite group of individuals, you will have to join our very own, Grampy of Anarchy, for a ride on the Harley. Don't worry, I will make sure he straps you in somehow. ;)

Sadly, your dad's side of the family is not much better and there is a lot of them. Yes, your great uncle Ian will probably wrestle with you at some point and will think nothing of tackling you in the middle of a fun, family-friendly three-legged race OR pushing your very pregnant mama aside in her attempt to protect you as he tries to ensure his family, who lost in the end anyway, could win one game. I am sorry. These are the people who make up your family, and like the rest of us, you'll learn to love them . . . tee hee!

On top of all this, we are always short of money, our meals are gluten-free, and we homeschool. What can I say, Thing 4? You may not have picked the brightest, the kindest, the coolest, or the sanest family around, but I can promise you this: we will always make you laugh, we will love you more than humanly possible, and we are terribly excited to have you join us in all of our shenanigans.


Your mama

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