Thursday, 3 September 2015

Dear Harriet . . .

Dear Harriet,

Last night you did something that was downright amazing, but also terrifying at the same time . . . you slept through the night. Don't. Ever. Do. That. Again. Yes, most parents would be dancing this morning, but not this parent. You scared me. I feared  . . . let's not go there. I may never recover from this. Leif began crying around 5:30am, and I invited him into our bed since daddy had already left for the gym. As he was crawling over the lowered side-rail of his crib, which is adjacent to our bed, it suddenly dawned on me that you had not woken up last night and when I looked over at you, there you were lying in the exact same position I placed you in when I crawled in beside you six hours earlier. Once I noticed that you were still in fact breathing, I quickly nursed Leif back to sleep and then rolled over to wake you up. I needed to see you open your eyes. Yes, your mom is neurotic and foolish, but I just needed to see you awake. I gently kissed your chubby cheeks and then I took your little hand into mine. I whispered your name a couple of times and you began to stir. Man, you were sleeping hard. Do you not remember the deal you made with me in the hospital? You promised to never scare me. I really do not like to be scared, and your other siblings have all scared the life out of me at one point or another, but you are not allowed. I am getting old. I can't take much more scaring. Remember? We had this conversation like two months ago. Surely, you have not forgotten already. So, let's get this straight: there will be no more sleeping through the night until you are two. This does not mean you need to wake up every two hours to nurse like you did a couple of nights ago; four hours would be ideal. Got it? Thank you.

Now, let's get to the light, fluffy post I had written for you last night . . .

I cannot believe that you are already two months old. You are growing up before my eyes, and thanks to the busy toddler with whom we share our days with, I barely remember any of them. I fear that when I look back upon your first summer with us, all I will remember is the smell of your head since you spend most of your days strapped to my chest in your sling. Man, you love that sling! And it is a good thing because you also really love your mama, and you do not appreciate when your mama places you down for even a couple of minutes. Lately, you don't even like when your mama hands you off to someone else . . . eeeeek! By the way, your siblings are becoming very insulted that you will not let them hold you, and FYI, you are going to want them on your side someday, so I would I try to change that . . . just saying.

Anyhoo . . . 

I wanted to write this quick little note to you to assure you that I love you. Gosh, I am crazy in love with you. In the middle of the night when you wake up to nurse (and you will continue to do so for the next 22 months . . . right?!), sometimes I can't fall back to sleep because I lie there with you nestled up beside me and I marvel at how beautiful you are. I love all your chub and your perfect rose-bud mouth. I am still in shock that I have another little girl, and so I sit there and think about all the things we will get to do together when you are bigger, while dad and Leif are off doing boy things. I wonder if I will ever be your teacher, like I was for Zoe, or if we will ever do karate together, like Zoe and I did, or perhaps we will find our own things to do together. Then I wonder what those things will be. Oh, and if you are looking for a mom that will teach you how to do makeup or go for mani-pedis with, I am sorry to disappoint you but I am not that kind of girl. Thankfully, you have a big sister who is that kind of girl (so let her hold you once in awhile . . . wink, wink . . . just saying). I also wonder what colour your eyes will be. Right now they are bright blue, but all of my babies started out with blue eyes and we now have two brown eyed babies and two babies with hazel eyes. Which team will you join? (In case you are wondering I am team Brown and daddy is team Hazel. I won't be insulted if you choose daddy's team. I kind of like him, so it's all good)

 I think the biggest reason I cannot sleep at night is because this seems to be the only time I have to share with you without any other distractions. This makes me sad. I wish I could hold you all day long and never have to set you down because I know how much you hate it, and oh, your cry breaks my heart, but sometimes I have no other choice. Like yesterday, when I noticed that Leif, rather than going for his ball, was heading towards the pool and I could not run down the hill with you in my arms, or when Avery's friend was at the door, while Leif was crying for breakfast and Scouty wanted out . . . yikes! Your mama really needs to grow more arms. You are too little to understand that mamas have other responsibilities than just holding babies, and I am sure that while you are screaming in your seat you imagine that you have been abandoned or that no one cares about you; trust me, though, this is not the case. There are no words to describe how much I love you, how much your entire family loves you.

Harriet, you are my baby girl. Your smile lights up my day. I love how excited you get when you notice I am looking at you, and I adore how hard you are trying to talk to me lately. There is nothing cuter than when you squeak out aaaagooo, and I look forward to all the stories you will share with me over your life. I have a feeling we will be the best of friends . . . well, at least until you are 13 . . . tee hee!


Your mama

I could eat this face right up!

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