Mom, I am trying. I really am. I am doing everything we have talked about.
I am doing my best!
I know, bud . . .
I had thought Elliot's sleep problems were behind us. I felt like we had finally conquered one hurdle along our journey with NLD, but that was not the case. Sleeplessness has reared it's ugly head once again, and I fear it may just win. Each day, we look at what we have done, what still needs to be changed, and try to make improvements. Last night's improvement was placing Elliot's mattress on the floor. During our "Worry Time" session, fifteen minutes in our day that is allotted for Elliot to express his worries and then, for the rest of the day, no longer "feed them" by talking about them or thinking about them and placing them in a figurative strong box with a GINORMOUS lock, Elliot shared with me that he was worried he would fall out of bed. Sounds silly, right? But hearing him say this reminded me that in one of our many books on NLD, it mentioned that most kids with this disorder/disability (whatever you want to call it) sleep on the floor because of this very fear.
Or at least I thought so . . .
I am quickly learning that there is not just one answer to this puzzle called NLD. There a million pieces, and each day it seems I find a new one.
With his bed on the floor, his red light on, stories read, and prayers said, Elliot fell asleep. But, at 2am when I awoke to see the outline of his body in our doorway and his tired, little voice say: I tried mom. I really tried, I felt defeated. We invited him into our bed, where he apologetically nuzzled in between us and went over everything he had tried to do on his own to get back to sleep. Eventually his "bellyache" subsided and he did fall asleep.
When I woke up this morning, I was tired and discouraged. I started beating myself up again for missing something, for not conquering this hurdle yet.
And then one of my bestest friends sent me this note:
I can only imagine what was said when he [Elliot] got his call to come to earth . . ."My son, in your life you will have great trials, but I will give you a mother who will make your path her own . . . she will love you, bring you the gospel, she will make your journey infinitely easier . . . your life will be blessed".*
My heart leapt, my tears flowed, and my hope was restored. I know this is true!!
I recalled that tiny voice last night assuring me he had done everything he could, and promised myself to never give up. If Elliot can give 100%, then I can not give any less. No matter how hard it is, or how hard it becomes, or how many times I fall down, I will NEVER give up on him!
Thank you, Anita! I really needed this reminder today.
Being a mom may not be the most glamorous job in the world, or the most rewarding, but it is definitely the most important, and it is a job I love with all of my heart.
|Elliot getting some much needed rest, while listening to "The Alchemyst" by Michael Scott, thanks to Audible.com|
*(We Latter Day Saints believe our journey in life started as spiritual beings long before we came to earth. If you believe this too, or are interested in finding out more, please check out www.mormon.org)