Wednesday, 25 May 2011
. . . and they all fall down
I think you may have heard that I LOVE long weekends, but you may not know that I despise, (no, no, no that is not the word I am looking for), I LOATHE WITH EVERY FIBRE OF MY BEING,(now do you get it?), the day after a long weekend. When you have just experienced the ultimate height of a spectacular break from the ordinary, there is only one direction to go next and that is down.
Tuck and roll, baby. Tuck and roll!
So, we all woke up late this morning, except for Mr. Level-Headed, who is like a machine, because we were all tuckered out from the shenanigans of our blissful weekend. The boys needed a shower because, frankly, they stunk and we feel it is important that they have positive social interactions with their peers. Come on! You mix their affinity for guns and violence with social rejection and you have a recipe for disaster. Anyhoo, the showers made us even later. We quickly ate breakfast (Shoot! I just remembered that I forgot to give them fruit with breakfast. Ugh!), and muddled our way through our daily scripture study.
Derrick: "So, Avery what were we talking about this morning?"
Avery: "Hmm, Jesus?"
Derrick: "Lucky guess!"
We said a quick prayer, dished out kisses and pushed them out the door. Phew! We did it!
Then I got ready and headed up to the school to help out in Avery's class. After an hour of hearing the kids read to me, I picked up my friend, Melissa, and we headed off to help out another friend, Sue, who is in the process of moving into a new home, clean her old house. We worked hard, but we shared lots of laughs and a great lunch. Thanks Lorna and "Turbo"!
After each room was scoured and vacuumed, we jumped back into the van and headed for home. Suddenly my phone rang.
Elliot: "Mom, I am making a fox hole and I need some supplies. Can you pick them up?"
Elliot: "It's for a project, mom. Can I look up homes for foxes on the internet?"
Me: "NO! Can you imagine what he would find? Wait! Stop imagining right now! Is this due tomorrow? No, then we will talk about it when I get home."
By 5pm I pulled into my driveway. I walked into the house, where I was totally ignored by the TV zombies on my couch. So I plopped my lifeless body alongside of theirs, grabbed a handful of chips, and watched "Johny Test".
AAAAHHHHH! 6pm was upon us in a flash. Panic surged through my body. Supper was not made and homework had not even been thought of. It is at these moments that I quickly lose my cool. I really do not function when I am faced with too many tasks in a minimal amount of time. Oh, and worst of all, my munchkins know it! In fact, this is when they like to push every one of my buttons:
"I'm not doing my homework!"
"Mom, he is breathing on me!"
"This is the worst day EVER!"
"Help me, I am being tortured by spelling!"
All you parents out there know the drill.
By 7:40pm dinner was served, amidst a pile of papers, books, and crayons, which seemed to go unnoticed until we had to push them out the way in order to fit our plates on the table. Half of the homework was finished and piano practice was completely abandoned.
"Mom, I am not hungry. I ate too many chips!"
"This chicken is gross!"
"You only care that we eat healthy food. You don't care if we're unhappy about it!"
Again, parents, you know the drill.
8:15pm Derrick strolled in after an evening of meetings.
Me: "I am about to throw the world's biggest temper tantrum!"
Derrick: "Are you going to yell?"
Zoe: "You can yell at me. I think it is funny!"
Derrick: "You could also yell at me. I don't mind!"
Me: "UGH! You two drive me crazy!"
We managed to get the boys out of their dirty clothes, get their teeth brushed, and get their little bodies into bed. Prayers were said, stories were read, and kisses were dished out!
I announced to Derrick and Zoe that I was not cleaning up the dirty dishes that were covering every square inch of my countertop or the toys that seem to have spread like knotweed across the family room floor, but rather, I was going to take a bath with hopes that the hot water would melt away my desire to kill someone. (I wonder where the boys get it from?)
As I laid in my watery paradise, the customary beating up of one's self after a childish display of losing one's cool commenced.
Moms, you know the drill.
I am the worst mother ever! Why can't I be good like so-and-so! I bet "she" never has a bad day! Oh, my kids will have to turn to drugs and promiscuity to mend their broken hearts!
But wait! What's this? A moment of clarity.
It's time to put your big girl panties on, Krista, and start focusing on what you did right today.
Well, I have kissed my kids a lot. We said our prayers and read the scriptures. I helped boost the confidence of early readers. I spent a wonderful day helping out a friend, whom I love and admire. I had a lot of laughs! I managed to get some healthy food into my children's stomachs, which could not be said over the course of our long weekend. Remember, cake for breakfast! We completed half of the homework. And, we remembered to feed our houseguests, Mary and Zelda. Only after we saw Mary licking her bowl mind you, but we did feed them. Megan, I promise we really are taking good care of them.
Honestly, when you take in consideration the lack of sleep I was operating on today and the sudden drop in my sugar-intake for the day (again, cake for breakfast), I think we fared pretty well. Don't you?
So, I put the kybosh to my pity party and plopped my butt down on the couch, for the second time today, to watch American Idol with my favourite girl, Zoe.
Me: "J Lo is one of the most beautiful women in the world"
Zoe: "YEAH! She's like forty-something and she looks even younger than you!"
Me: "I could be drop-dead gorgeous too if I had a personal trainer, a hairdresser and a make-up artist at my disposal each and every day."
Zoe: "Yeah, I think you would look more like Steve Tyler!"
Zoe: "Mom, wait! Where are you going?"
Me: "Back to my tub. I feel another pity party coming on!"