Yesterday, we had our monthly potluck lunch at church, and I found myself sitting at a table surrounded by boys. To be more specific, boys who were just set free from two hours of sunday school classes and an hour long church service prior to that. Needless to say, they were hungry and they had some energy to burn. Once they scarfed down their weight in macaroni casseroles and brownies, a game of farting armpits erupted, which quickly evolved into a farting armpit shoot out. What evil genius discovered you could make farting armpit noises while using your hand as a gun? Pure brilliance!! My boys cannot figure out how to flush a toilet but the farting gun came to them naturally and probably sometime shortly after birth. Anyhoo, one of the dads in our church walked by my little table of anarchy and commented that I was a good mom for boys because it takes a special woman to tune out farting bullets wizzing by your head. At the time I just laughed his compliment off, but as I sit hear reflecting upon my youngest's latest act of delinquency, I realize just how important it is that God made "boy moms". You know us, we are those women who laugh when our boys are caught pooping on our neighbour's lawn or who tune out chaos and mayhem until a victim emerges with blood poring down their face, and we simply respond with: "Well, what did you think would happen?". Embarrassingly enough, neither of these examples are fabricated. We are also those moms who are on the receiving end of many critcal stares or well-intentioned advice about how to "handle" our children. But, I say no more! We are special! And our boys are blessed to have moms that allow them to explore this world with gusto and creativity!
So, now that I have built myself up and am feeling good about the type of mother I am, here is the latest lesson in humiliy that my dear son, Avery, thought he should share with me.
I picked the kids up after school today because Zoe was supposed to have a Volleyball tournament, but it was cancelled. I had planned to get groceries after her games so now I had all of this spare time. When the kids heard where we were heading, they begged me to take them home and let Zoe babysit them. "Oh we will be so good mommy!" It took me all of two seconds to remember the wrestling matches that erupted between my two boys in the cereal aisle on our grocery trip last week, so this was starting to sound like a brilliant idea. I should have suspected something was up, though, when Avery remained at the door blowing kisses and shouting 'I'll miss you!" as I drove up the driveway. What can I say? I am a sucker for affection and I have a particular weakness for my boys.
As I was walking up the cereal aisle, (I think in the future I will just avoid this aisle all together) my phone rang and it was Zoe. "This can't be good!", I thought to myself.
Zoe: "Guess what your son did?"
Me: "Oh, the possibilities are endless and could range anywhere from tying the dog up to performing a rain dance naked on our front lawn". Again, neither are a fabrication! "Just tell me Zoe!"
Zoe: "Avery was making prank phone calls to the school, and the principle just called us back."
Yes, my dear sweet little angel, has discovered the art of prank phone calls. When asked what exactly happened, he went into this lengthy explanation of how he wanted to call me and tell me to buy milk at the store. So he grabbed the phone book and dialed the number written on the cover. When he heard the secretary answer with the name of the school, he quickly hung up. Now, most children would run off and be mortified that this had happened,but not my Avery. He thought this was hilarious, and his evil scheme quickly took seed. He called back a second time, but this time "I disguised my voice and pretended to be daddy!". I have to admit, I had a hard time suppressing my laughter when he was telling me this story, and the Vice Principle, whom I saw later in the evening, got a huge kick out of it.
But being the good parents we are, Derrick and I sat down with Avery before bed and discussed what he had done and how it is really not very funny. We also informed him that I will be taking him into the Principle's office tomorrow morning so that he can apologise for his behaviour. Score one for mom and dad! No empty threats and a good life lesson on accountability. Following our bedtime prayers, Elliot shared with everyone how he thought for a moment that we had left Avery home alone when we went to soccer. Derrick made a joke about how Avery would just grab a snack and turn on the TV, to which Avery replied, "Yeah, and make lots of phone calls!"
What is going to become of my boy?
Thankfully, he has a mom who loves him, and who will always cherish those times when his enthusiasm for life takes precedence over common sense.
Please note that I include all of those moms of spunky little girls in my definition of "boy moms". It is late and I could not think of a more politically correct term.