Christmas is coming, and the Websters are thrilled! Well, most of us are thrilled. Elliot is stressed, but really this should come as no surprise to anyone since Christmas has never been his thing and there always seems to be something perplexing that great, big brain of his. This week's conundrum is the Santa letter . . . oh! To bring yourself up to speed on life here at Shenanigans Inc., you should read this post about how a certain someone's world came crashing down around him when he was let in on the whole Santa Secret. Looking back, it was pretty funny . . . traumatizing, but funny!
Anyhoo . . . the other day, the Wee Websters got into a merry mood and decided to write their Santa letters. Zoe, being the level-headed and slightly greedy member of our clan (we love ya, Baby Girl), composed a five page report complete with pictures for good ol' Santy Claus.
If anyone would like to help out on our Zoe's Christmas Campaign, you can drop off your donated gifts, preferably wrapped, here at Shenanigans Inc. headquarters . . . tee hee!
That girl! I think she is pushing our three-gift-limit to the max, but she assures me that these are just a few ideas and that I am welcome to share the list with other family members. Well, thank you, for clearing that up, Baby Girl!
Avery, our creative, in-house comedian, made his Santa letter into a cookie, and filled it with obnoxious jokes to get Santa going. It reads:
Dear Santa, I hope you are not on a diet because my cookies are filled with fat. (Remember, Avery is our exercise-conscious child.) How old are you? I think you are a 1000 years old. I always wanted to know how heavy you are too? Well, back to the presents . . .
He is so cute, and very law-abiding because, as you will notice, there are only 3 (not 36!) items on his list.
And last, but not least, Elliot's letter. Oh, right. He did not write one. Why, you ask? Well, Elliot is in the midst of some deep existential angst over the whole who is buying the Santa gifts. You see, his mama, who he just recently learnt is one of Santa's many elves, is forever telling him she has no money to buy toys and treats. She is also the very same woman who announced to the kids, while they were writing their letters, that mom and dad would not be buying any large gifts for Christmas this year because the pool was a very big expenditure. Well, as soon as he heard this, he started huffing and puffing. His arms were flapping and he could not utter a coherent word even if he knew what we was trying to say.
What is wrong, Elliot?
Ah . . . . ahh . . . ahhh . . . grrrr . . .
and off he stormed into his room.
Being far too familiar with Elliot's flair for everything dramatic, I gave him sometime before I went in to see how he was doing.
Bud, can you come out of your blanket cocoon and tell me what is wrong?
His head popped up, but he still could not speak. Instead, he started tapping his fingers on the palm of his hand like he was texting someone.
Is it an animal? . . . I am so bad. Are you worried you may not get your Ipod Touch? Is that what this is all about?
You just said that you are not buying us big gifts, and I really want an Ipod!
No, I am not buying you any big gifts, but you can ask Santa for it.
Do you see where this is going? For most kids, once the whole Santa-gig is up, they continue to play along with almost an increased enthusiasm (five page reports vs. cookies), but for Elliot it makes no sense and is very frustrating. At this point, I swear smoke was seeping from his ears, and his eyes were just about ready to pop out of their sockets.
BUT . . . YOU . . . SANTA . . . REMEMBER!!!
I have no idea what you are talking.
Okay, yes, Elliot, you know the truth, but we can still play along.
But, how am I going to get my present?
The same way you do every year; you write a letter to Santa.
You make no sense, Mom!
True, but nothing in this house makes sense.
You realise you are going to go broke!
Well, it hasn't happened yet, and this is our fifteenth Christmas as a family.
Can you leave? I really need to process this. .
And, as of today, he is still processing and there is no Santa letter in sight. This should be a really interesting Christmas. . . tee hee!