Wednesday, 31 August 2011

Like Putty in your Hands . . .

I have unlocked the mystery to a teenager's heart.

No kidding!

And the best part is that it is super easy and super cheap!

Sure, teenagers are known for their external crustiness, their uncontrolled mood swings, their flippant facial expressions, and my personal favourite, their tear-your-heart-out-and-stomp-on-it put downs, BUT all of these vile side effects of a hormone-enraged body simply melt away with my secret weapon.  And for one brief moment, you will see that precious little spirit you gave birth to so many years ago reemerge, and you will even, I kid you not, hear these most sacred words fall out of their mouths like drops of manna from Heaven: "Mom, you are the best!".

I know!

This is powerful stuff, folks, and it must be treated with the utmost respect and reverence. 
Are you ready for it?

one . . .
two . . .
three . . .

Ta da!

Now, I warn you.  As you are approaching the drive-thru, your teenager will revolt and say something like, "Ugh!  NOT Rotten Ronnie's".  It's almost as if they can feel the power of the McDonald's Happy Meal already at work peeling away their crusty exterior piece by piece, and the closer you get to the order window the louder their wailing and whining will become.  You know, they work very hard to build this shell of contempt and they will stop at nothing to protect it:  "Are you trying to make me fat?  Have you seen that movie?  HE NEARLY DIED!  Oh, so you are trying to kill me, is that it?  When I'm a parent, my children will NEVER be allowed to eat this junk, and so on and so on.  Finally, all of your orders will be placed, and you will look at your teenager in one final act of kindness and ask: "Would you like anything, sweetheart?", to which they will roll their eyes and cry out in resignation: "FINE!  Just give me a chicken nugget Happy Meal".  Then do not say a word.  Hand the Happy Meal box, and it has to be the box because the bag pales in comparison to the supremacy of the almighty box, over to your teenager and allow the magic to happen. 

Voila!  Their defenses are weakened . . .

and you only have a twenty second window of opportunity to grab your camera to document this rare and fleeting moment of teenage contentment. Godspeed, my fellow parents!  Godspeed!

tee hee!

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